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The Real Costs Of Divorce

August 2nd, 2008 · No Comments

by Alex Archer

No matter how friendly the institution occurs, divorce is a terrible experience. If children are caught in the middle of it all, the experience for them can be even worse. Many times, kids are left feeling as though they have been abandoned and can be marked emotionally for the rest of their lives as a result. A tough divorce can lead to poor emotional health later on in life, including depression and inability to have healthy relationships later.

Divorces are typically covered in the media due to the financial aspect of the process, particularly when the husband stands to lose a substantial sum. The emotional states of the children involved, however, can be a far bigger cost. After divorce, fathers often have difficulty connecting with their kids, and their separation can make it difficult for the father to settle into a role as a divorced yet still involved parent.

The mother can often feel trapped and overwhelmed.Whereas previously the burden of rearing children was a shared experience where one partner leaned on the other for support, that safety belt has now been removed and mothers’ can feel overstretched to provide the nurture that their children need in this most difficult of times. This often leads to feeling of resentment and misplaced anger.

Children, as stated before, often bear the brunt of the divorce’s costs despite not being directly involved. A marriage that disintegrates without much friendliness between the parents can leave the children having misguided resentment against them for dissolving the family. Additionally, the children can lack the maturity to deal with the divorce properly, which can lead to a stunting of coping skill development.

Children can often feel like they are responsible for a divorce and can then take the stress of the events on themselves as well. This can leave children feeling like they cannot be part of a stable relationship in a friendship sense or, later in adolescence, in a romantic sense. Social situations will also tend to be skewed and seem like they are not conducive to the child being involved, which can further hurt their development.

Beyond the children, though, the parents can feel emotional scarring if they are cheated upon while in the marriage. Feelings of rejection and distrust of significant others can result, and the person can feel like they’re always going to be cheated upon. The partner that committed the infidelity can feel as though they’re guilty of hurting someone to the point that they may never forgive themselves.

No one really makes the decision to get married with the idea that they will be divorced afterwords but divorce nevertheless is a real occurrence that affects people everyday. A good healthy divorce that has very little fighting or inconvenience to the family is the best way to do such a process, for the sake of everyone involved. No one comes out ahead as a result of a divorce, so keeping it friendly can make the process easier.

Divorce can be a way to end a bad relationship and begin a better partnership with another person that could last for the rest of your life. Although divorce isn’t an easy thing to approach or go through with, it can be done without too much in the way of ill effects to the parties involved. If it is done properly, a divorce can be a way for two people to move on with their lives with minimal emotional impact on themselves and their families.

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